“I held on to hope! And... hope resurrected!!!”
This was the beginning line of my last scene as Mary, the mother of Jesus, in our Good Friday production at Deeper this year.
For Mary, this line is a celebration because she found out that her son and Savior was indeed alive again… just as He had said he would be. He died for SURE, but death didn’t keep Him down.
However, for me... it’s still a celebration, but it steadily awaits the manifestation of the promise! Unfortunately, this is usually the part where everyone struggles. Don’t worry, it can be hard for all of us.
I know this might have gone in kinda quick, but in order for it to make sense in its entirety... you gotta go back and read the other part of my story first! It’s called, “Dead Promise's”! Just don't forget to come back and finish this one!! :)
I was fortunate enough to make it healthily through a season that tested my hope in God as a single woman. And here I am now, back with the keys of death, so to speak, because my prayer is that I’m able to unlock this same hope in the hearts of others who are currently going through or will have to go through something similar.
After my (horribly public and sudden) breakup, I had kind of let the hope of relationship go. Okay, who am I kidding? It was DEAD. Men? Eww. (I just puked in my mouth. Haha - *excuse the drama queen*)
Yes, of course I believed I would still some day (by maybe an act of God) be married... but the timeline was completely snatched from under my feet. Lol
More importantly than losing the hope of a husband, the secondary repercussions began to take over. I was so closed off for so long. But not the regular, blatant kind of closed off (cause that’s impossible as a worship leader... lol) but I was closed off to just simple friendship and simple good times.
I kept one friend, maybe two, and of course my mother by my side and dodged everyone else like the plague. Didn’t want any blank stares, didn’t want to answer any questions and mostly didn’t want to face the seeming shame of it all. I had nothing to be shamed about, but it sure didn’t feel that way.
This happens to many of us so often... we get called out & prophesied to in public, but then nothing in our normal life seems to match that word for a while so we start to feel a bit embarrassed. Even unmotivated to pursue in many cases.
What specifically tends to happen through breakups is that the world seems to get smaller and the “cameras” seem to zoom in on you and your business (the new gossip) and overwhelming belief begins to crowd your mind that everyone is talking bad about you! So how can you go anywhere when it feels this way?
I can generally handle a “hater” or two (for lack of a better word) because I don’t lack confidence, I truly love myself! However, I can’t handle that on TOP of a sudden broken heart. Especially from the people closest to me or the ones I have to see week in and week out.
Thankfully, this huge lie in my mind was uncovered with TRUTH. God is so faithful to do that. Turns out, the friends that I was so quick to avoid eventually let me know that they weren’t talking negative at all. They were PRAYING that whole time. Praying for my well being and my heart to experience the full healing and embrace of Heaven that it needed. Praying for God’s will to be done in my relational life and their prayers are probably the reason he’s not here today. (Somebody in the back said: HALLELUJAH! haha)
Y’all. Let me just pause here and say this: “GET YOU SOME HOLY GHOST FILLED, PRAYER-WARRING FRIENDS”. I am so convinced now that they are a huge part of the reason I made it. Didn’t stop living. Didn’t stop leading. I made it. I am now in one of the HAPPIEST places I’ve ever been.
I also now have the most fun and feel the most free! I go out and I enjoy THIS moment! Do what I can in the now and I don't worry about tomorrow cause I know the One who holds it. I have my moments, but to be honest... those same friends have my back right through it. What a gift.
Anyways… to the entire point of this Resurrection Sunday (short and simple) post… my heart is open again! Hope literally resurrected!!! Hope in my now. Hope in my then!
And yours can be too!
(Also, sidebar: this is not an “i’m single” green light sign for guys. Bahaha I’m good. Lol. God's got that all worked out!)
But prayerfully this is a sign of HOPE to everyone that's still holding on! There is a healing that took place when I once again surrendered my will and PROCESS / TIMING to the Lord’s. It was so hard, but so worth it! It’s just like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, headed to the cross. He prayed that this cup of suffering be removed, but at the end, surrendered to God’s bigger plan. And now because of His YES to go through with it all… we’ve been made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. We wouldn’t have had this opportunity without Him and without the fact that He got up.
So, honestly, the bottom line is pretty simple... In whatever season you’re in right now… Especially if you have a promise that seems hopeless or even just died… Baby, tell that heart not to worry. Things aren’t always what they seem!
Hope might’ve died on an old rugged cross… but give it about three days. 😌
PS: Those who are my resident blog-readers know that I always recommend a related song or visual. Yo, this time... Go see Breakthrough, the movie! It is all about the resurrection of Death and Hope and well... just trust me... !!!